Where's MY Bailout?

Consumers everywhere, rejoice! Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson is coming to the rescue.

The $700 billion banking bailout is being opened up to help consumers get credit cards, school loans or borrow money to buy a car. Foreclosure relief may also be included.

Turns out the trickle-down theory wasn't working the way Paulson had hoped. Giving banks such as Citigroup (Stock Quote: C) and Wells Fargo (Stock Quote: WFC) a bunch of money was supposed to get the system back to normal. But the newfound caution in the financial services industry won't be abandoned that easily. Nope. The banks found religion. They are playing it safe. No more lending with reckless abandon, even with taxpayer money.

So looks like the government is going to become the new "Bank of the People."

Of course, that doesn't really help me. I'm not thinking about buying a car, and I don't need a student loan -- and I'm still getting flooded with all those annoying credit card offers in the mail.

The bailout I need is for my 401(k) retirement plan. If Paulson wants to buy some distressed assets, he can start there! And I bet there are millions more like me.